Really need help, don't know where else to turn...

I just want to start out by saying I'm not a heartless and cruel person. I would never wish ill things upon someone or ruin someone's life intentionally. I never want to hurt anyone, but from my past I have been hurt and stepped on so many times, where I thought I would kill myself from the loneliness I felt, but thank goodness I do not feel that way anymore but the scars are still there from those times and it has maybe hardened a part of myself and to what extent I trust people.

I am not a good friend. I'm not perfect. I never had any "best" friends or friends at all when I was in junior high or even highschool for the matter. I would skip days/classes because it was painful to face everyone and not have a single person to talk to at school. I went to a small school, only 300 students attended that entire school, so you didn't have the opportunity to meet many new people and there were only about 25 kids in my grade throughout junior high and highschool. I make mistakes, I never had someone I could really trust other than my family. I didn't know how to be a friend, honestly.

My final year of highschool, I became close friends with this girl and idk how we became close but we did. We would hang out and everything and I really started to see her as a best friend. Then, one day we started to talk about relationships and she told me about this guy she was talking to and he is much older than her. She later told me his name and how old he was and I promised to keep it a secret, and I did for a very long time. However, after she told me about that it's like I never saw her anymore, she would say to her parents she would be hanging out with me and go see and stay with her boyfriend instead. Her parents didn't know about him. I wasn't aware she kept saying she was with me, when indeed she wasn't with me. I started to feel a bit hurt.

At the beginning of this year, she told me that she was going to stay with her boyfriend. That was fine and I told her she could say she was with me, but she was gone for a month. I could barely get in touch with her and she would not answer my texts. Her parents called me one night and they kept calling me over and over demanding to know where she was because they said they knew she was with me. I kept getting the calls until 12 to 1 in the morning. It was really scaring me and then I was threatened to be taken to the sheriff department. How did I know what these people were capable of? I was scared and alarmed and I told them who she was with. I didn't want to to!! I never wanted to do that to her. I was frightened and her mother was crying on the phone, I just don't know. I know I sound like a bitch, but I don't like hurting people, it's pathetic to hurt others, but I should have never been put into that situation. I wanted to keep the promise, I truly did. I never meant to ruin her life or anyone's life.

Now, a few of my friends hate me. One asked if I ever apologized to her and honestly, I told her that night I broke the promise that I was sorry over and over but I was constantly getting calls from her parents and was threatened. I told her I did not mean to ruin anything she had and that I understood if she never wanted to talk to me again.

I'm not perfect, I make awful mistakes like everyone else. I'm not meaning that as an excuse, but am I a horrible person? I really feel like I'm losing it... Did I do the right thing? I just don't know anymore. I don't know why they hate me and no one will listen to me even if I tried to explain.

 

Really, thank you you two. I just felt like a terrible person and it just won't leave me alone lately. I feel like I ruined everything. I never meant to hurt her and thank you for telling me I did the right thing. I just needed to hear that... I don't think I did something fudged up like a former friend of mine said. I just did what was right and didn't lie... guess honesty doesn't get you to a lot of places these days :/