Ice

I really like writing stories,I've just never been very good at originals,here's my first shot called Ice.I quite like humour but I find it incredibly hard to incorparate it into a story,so it will be more serious.I would really appreciate some feedback on this it will spur me on,and allow me to know what you think.


Ice....that's it,ice.........everywhere ice,it's a wonder anything manages to live here.It's ot like this place was a wonderful world at any point.It's always been like this,so far as anyone knows anyway.I beleive there's more to it though,it seems impossible that since the beginning of it's existence,I wish I knew more but I am only 11.

From my parents house I can here shouting,it's always like this,my father and mother arguing they've always argued,it's a wonder why they got married.When they argue I always come here,to the park.I say a park,I'm the only one that calls it a park.It's one of the only places in the world where ther is grass,it's frozen of course it lives off a certain mineral that lies in the soil.The grass grows underneath the ice pushing it up,I've tryed to grow some but it's never worked.Oh,I'm sorry I never told you my name,I'm Emily,and I live on this planet the planet they call Ice.

 

Here's some more.


To add onto that we've just had a new additin to the family she's called Kikki,she is really cute and hopefully she won't desert the family like the others did,Grandpa left so did Grandma (I'm glad Grandma left she wasn't a very nice person) I also had a brother he left but on the way to a planet called Earth he died,we told him not to go.Now I live with my mam Andrea my dad Steven and my brothers girlfreind Rose.Rose is a very kind person,she's 16 and where like sisters.

Chapter 1
I woke up,it was dark and the stars twinkled in the moonlit sky.It was like that night,the night before my brother left,a tear rolled down my eye freezing when it hit the ground.I got up off the ground and saw two frozen tears,"two?"I mumbled under my breath.I took the one that wasn't mine and went home.

As I entered my house our Icsquirrel jumped up at me,someone as still awake,I looked around the corner.Rose was awake I walked up to the torn sofa and sat down,"What are you doing?"I asked.She was worried about my parents worried of a divorce.I took out the frozen tear and inspected it.It was hard and no matter how hard I tryed I couldn't break it.
If anybody has any questions feel free to ask.

 

Sorry for double post but I forgot how to delete and I added a bit and don't want to edit because it doesn't count as a new post.



To add onto that we've just had a new additin to the family she's called Kikki,she is really cute and hopefully she won't desert the family like the others did,Grandpa left so did Grandma (I'm glad Grandma left she wasn't a very nice person) I also had a brother he left but on the way to a planet called Earth he died,we told him not to go.Now I live with my mam Andrea my dad Steven and my brothers girlfreind Rose.Rose is a very kind person,she's 16 and we're like sisters.

Chapter 1
I woke up,it was dark and the stars twinkled in the moonlit sky.It was like that night,the night before my brother left,a tear rolled down my eye freezing when it hit the ground.I got up off the ground and saw two frozen tears,"two?"I mumbled under my breath.I took the one that wasn't mine and went home.

As I entered my house our Icsquirrel jumped up at me,someone as still awake,I looked around the corner.Rose was awake I walked up to the torn sofa and sat down,"What are you doing?"I asked.She was worried about my parents worried of a divorce.I took out the frozen tear and inspected it.It was hard and no matter how hard I tryed I couldn't shatter it.

Eventually I got angry with it and threw it off the ground,Rose saw it hit the ground,it still didn't shatter.She looked at me,"Do you know what that is?"I looked at her a relization in my eyes,we began jumping around with joy holding each others hands singing,"Garidans tear!!!"

 

can I have an example of hard to follow please.