Who should Lead Household: Man or Woman

We got into a debate in Sociology as we were playing the Agree or Disagree game as to whether or not a Man should always be the pants of the family. In otherwords, lead the household and represent what a man should do. Now, I know a couple of friends who are women obviously who chose the disagree part but one of them said "I believe that a man who ends up not doing their job or starts slacking off, a woman need to start taking charge." but I started to counter that statement and stated "If a man is doing their job and is doing their job, the woman should ONLY help support the family. The man is already help supporting the family just by taking up leadership that was in them anyways. The woman should help the man in the family and marriage in any ways possible but the woman is NOT to overthrow and overpower the man of the family if the man is doing what he is doing."

Now, I already made up my mind and I staying with the option that man should always lead the household. Now which option do all of you want to pick? There is no "It all depends." statements. All of us should know that if a man is having a hard time trying to help lead the house and is down that the woman can then start giving out even more of her support to help keep her marriage and family together.

 

-___- Not once did I stated that I said that women are to stay at home. If you had reread my answer, you would clearly know that I stated that: "The man is already giving support", meaning that the man is right there, ready to lend a hand. Also, you reread my statement, you would know that I said that "The woman should ONLY help give the support." <__> I never said that the woman should stay in the kitchen or at home. You said that. My statement is not flawed; you just read my post wrong.

Also, if you read my post cautiously, you would know that I said that "The woman should help support the family IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE." As for the "taking in charge", when I said to "take leadership", I never did say that it would be the person who would end up telling everyone in the household what to do, when to do it and what not to do and all of that. Not once did I supported that. When I said to "take leadership", I clearly mean for the one who will: "Know what is good and what is wrong", "Know what is best for the family", "Work alongside spouse to stay together", and any other criterias that I may have left out or cannot think of. THAT is what I see leadership as.

Also, with my super, last statement, you clearly left out the part when I said that the woman "may and can and will GIVE OUT EVEN MORE OF HER SUPPORT." meaning that she can do more than what she normally would do. My statement was not flawed. You just misread.

 

And I will make myself even more clear: My statement was never for no "Stay In The Kitchen". Not once. Besides, when I actually underlined and bold your last paragraph, what I stated was never no "Stay In the Kitchen". When I say "No woman should overthrow or overpower the man in an attempt" I am saying that if the man is there and he is making sure that everything is right, it really doesn't matter what the woman thought is wrong, the woman should trust her husband and give him his full support all the way. And if you want to add in all of the leader giving out the orders, then sure. We can do that too. I'll include all of that too and I'll back it up.

Oh yea. Let me put in this sentence, if a team has no leader, who is there to lead the group and to help each other and to have each other's back so that they can keep on fighting? Think of a war. A small army team is in a group. They go in but they have no leader to give out the orders so that they can carry them out. No leader = independent which may end up having the team split apart because one team member may try to overthrow the others. However, with a leader, the team members will have someone to follow and the Team Leader can listen to their followers and, depending on the situation, can give out the final order in order to help accomplish the task. That is what I see in the family. The man help protects his family, the wife is his support in all ways, especially to help the children, the man will still listen to his wife and then, when he finally has an answer, tells his wife what the both of them should do, and try to carry it out while taking care of the offspring. You want to say that a good relationship has no leader but have you ever thought of marriage? I wasn't talking about no dating. Specifically marriage. You never ever see no Game System trying to operate without any remote controllers because the remote controllers is what leads the directions. You do not see no leaf trying to grow by itself because the tree is the leader to tell when the leaf should or should not grow depending on the season. Christians cannot functions without God because God is the Sole Leader and trying to take him out will end up breaking everything apart. A church cannot function without a Pastor because the Pastor watches over everyone and can help direct the path as to what one can do in their spiritual life.

Trying to have a group without a leader will only end up having individuals trying to have sole power all by themselves to overthrow the other. In MOST cases, a group without a leader will bring total chaos. Take out the general in the army and you lose the war. Have no Leiutenant and you will not be able to know what strategy to use on the battlefield.

When you saying "Stay in the Kitchen", you are trying to act as though I was saying as you try to twist my meaning that I am saying that women are not capable or is not able to do what a man can do. -_- I never did supported that part. A woman can do anything that a man can do. However, when I said that if a man is around to take care of the situation, then usually, a woman does not have to go and try to take on the situation. When I see it, the husband tells the wife that he can handle it and let the wife take on some other tasks that may need to be taken care of in the household or in life. He is not saying that, as you gave in that link about "Staying in the kitchen" that she is unable to fight, take on the task that a man can do, protect themselves, or that they cannot "Stand the heat and so that they should stay in the kitchen". IT WAS NOTHING among those lines! As men, it is only natural that the male has the desire to love, cherish and protect the wife and kids. That is just a part of nature in a man.

Women should not even take offense of this in the first place anyways. You want a man to be a man, yet you finally get that chance and when he says for you not to worry and that he'll take care of it, you get all upset all because he can be "Superman" even though he knows what you are capable of, maybe more capable of doing the job than what they can do. However, when the man ends up actually needing more help, then the woman can just step in, laugh at us, take care of the situation for us and then make the man feel glad that he always have a woman who will be by his side who also has a desire to protect him also. THAT is what I see!

So yes, the man is the leader, if the leader is in trouble, the wife comes in to help too in the fight. Besides, if the husband is killed, then the woman is left widowed with the children and there are no natural leader to help direct the family in a good life in all sides of love. However, there are some circumstances as to where the man knows that the wife can still do something to help lead the family if he is gone and so he yearns to keep her safe. I hope that NO ONE sees this as an insult. I have COMPLETE RESPECT to females but as a man, I would not even feel comfortable if I am not doing my job to use my leadership talents to love the woman and children that I have been blessed with myself if I ever had one.

So yes Desert, I took your "Stay out of the Kitchen" phrase, knocked it down and show the complete opposite and one of the very TRUE reasons as to why I said what I said.

 

As for chores being divided up equally, I can agree with that and the part about playing on each other's strengths and weaknesses, I had already supported that in my last post about what happens when the man falls into trouble and when the woman comes in and helps with their spark. Now about the working part, I never did say anywhere in my post where I said that "The person who works is the one who will be leader." I never did state that. Now as for the spouse being at home to take the kids (And I do agree about raising kids. -__- It is hard for me to watch over my younger cousins sometimes), it can go either way but usually, the woman, in my opinion, will be more connected with the children since they are the one who gives birth and go through pregnancy and is the one who nurtures the child (I can even believe that the woman nurtures the child more so than the man). Now what if the mother or female wants to work? The husband and wife will come together to try to come to a conclusion as to what to do. Will you hire a babysitter or will one of them stay at home?

Now does that mean that the spouse who is working is not involved in everyday family life: I say no. I still believe that the person will still be involved in the family life everyday. Now as to what would happen if, say, one of the spouse, husband or wife, goes off to war or is in the army or whatnot, that is up to them.

XD OH! Me going into an awakening? We shall see. And me making full of "Sexist" subtexts. I think you should know that you should read back and realize that I am not the one who said "Lawmaker". Not once did I stated that the man should make up house rules and treat women like 1600's maids. Compromising and decision making between the two is needed; The man should still stand up and be the protector of the family and let the woman know what he believes would be the final decision as to what is the best route for the family to take that is not no demanding. XD You and Desert is acting as though I am thinking that a family should be a dictatorship family (Which would be sad and quite amusing since I know that one spouse demanding and putting a force on the other will only cause arguing and yelling).

And as for the same sex part, yea... you really do not want to hear what I want to say about that. It will just end up going into a whole different story and bring up other religious topics and yea. Best to leave it.

 

Team Effort: yes. Now as for the latter part though, men fighting with their natural instinct of leadership, I have already stated before that it was natural and was a part of manhood of being a man to lead. That's just us. Now the one part about women fighting and developing a desire to have dominance for the "head", that part should not happen. We allow women to have a lot of freedom and have a chance to express themselves more and to also have more chances and opportunity to help in the household but in exchange, the women want to lead and try to do everything to get that. I do agree that it is one reason as to why divorce rates are high but there are other factors that fall into that too. It does require teamwork but as I had said before about the leader and his team, it would take that "leader" part too who will do their best to take care. Now about the bills and disciplining the child and whatnot, I agree with that part too because really, it is a team effort and the woman is doing her job supporting the man with the bills and the children. No duh. You are basically saying the same thing that I had said along the line about the woman SUPPORTING.

Now back at Kitty. XD Now let me give you a big, specific reason as to why I said what you went and bold. It may sounds nasty to you, it is actually a good thing that the mother and child has a connection between each other. The mother becomes more aware, adjusted and have joy with the father. Now if the wife decides to just stay at home and continue bonding with the child, they actually have it easier. They will still be supportive no matter what and they will be able to have less stress, share her life with the child and have more fun. The father will too have a connection with the baby but more so with the mother. Not like it is a terrible thing. I see that as a blessing, especially in the household. To me, a woman will be able to help the man raise up the child the right way. But then there is the Nature vs. Nurture debate but I do not want to get all up into that.

XD And as for "Imbalances" in power, tell me: Why you keep on stating (Or fearing) that if a man takes the stand with his woman by his side to help him along the way, that there will be imbalances. You is starting to sound as though you are afraid that if a true man do lead, takes both sides together and merge them to find the best possible way, that there will be imbalances all because, in honesty, the ultimate responsibility is laid on the man's shoulders in the household. I did not state male dominance. When Nicole said that, she is stating of a man "Lording" (XD I made up that word) over the woman and requires complete obedience. I never state that women are second raters and I never even thought of women that way. I see equality in everything. If I ever sound as though man should dominate a woman, sorry but I never even had the sole idea of that. I can throw in bible verses and all of that as to how a man should treat their woman and all of that (Which is respect, reverence and equality but since you, Desert and Nicole do not like that idea, especially as to how a true man should protect her...) but a man has to lead with perserverance.

Did we demand that position? No but we were just placed there. Do you want to know what is one of a man's responsibility in a household? One of them is "To keep our women love emotion tank full and pumping. XD). In other words, we MUST love women unconditionally. This will be through words and action. As for action, this is where leadership comes in, which is why I am so strongly for the man for this. The third responsibility is to "Serve our wives". That does not mean "Let the wife take over and lead." HECK NAW! It means that as leaders, we must attend to our wives needs, providing and understanding her. Now there are other responsibilities that a man has but those three are REAL important. It is a God-given duty and feeling that we carry with us all this time. We do not want conflict or isolation. OH YEA! If you have a man who trusts you, shouldn't a woman do the same thing with him? Trusts is one of the foundations you know.

Now what a man will not like (And is most likely will snap on you) is if the woman always complain, moan, groan and is unsatisfied with everything that the man do. Man loves you, here comes the woman "If you truly love me, you would go there and become more involve in your child's life." Man is able to give up game time to be with child more. "HOW COME YOU ARE DOING YOUR SIDE JOB?! GO ON AND DO THAT! DUMB BUTT!" and the list goes on and on and if a man mess up, your complaining and yelling just feeds on the mindset to where we go "OH! Ok! I'll just keep on doing what I was doing!" Did I ever see a woman who always complain: Yes and I know several other girls who always complain and just want to go up in their face and tell them to shut up. The one thing that I have a problem is that a woman, with their support, is that you can not only help build up the household but you can plainly just go and tear up the house from the floor on up. A woman is JUST AS POWERFUL as a man with their words and they can have as just much influence. However, if a woman uses her words the right way, you help build up the husband and you are helping your household just like that. A man leads but with a woman support, she too is a keeper ( And I mean a "I wanna love you for everything you have done in my life!" keeper) of the household.

Now I understand what you and Nicole are coming from. Do I agree that women should have more of a role in the household: yes. Does it mean that the woman should stop the man from doing what he has to do: No. Both of you are looking from the Working perspective while I am looking from a lot of sides (Work, spiritual, physical, Emotional, Mental, Christian view, etc). Are the three of us are on the same page or similarly on the same page: Yes... although we differentiate as to our own terms of "Equality", "Leadership" and what is acceptable in a household. XD Now for me to stop here. I went and took up over 1 hour making this post.

 

See how I underlined "Parents"? I live ina single-parent house. My mother and I. She did some great things to help me but there are some actions that she took which I actually do not accept. Is my mommy good: yes. However, I myself do not choose my mom, especially when it is actually hard and common for an African American family to have a lot of single mothers in the home. Not only that, my mommy and daddy never did get married and... yea. It is complicated. I do not know about the others but as for me, I always did lived in a single family: My mommy, grandmommy and I. Would it be better if there were a man in the house: maybe but I speak from my own experience as to why I definitely believe that a man should be the one leading the house while yet still yet giving a balance in the home.

As for Nicole saying that leadership and equality are different: They may be different but that does not mean that you leave one out and keep the other.