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Kingdom Hearts: Destinies

Discussion in 'Traditional' started by ADogX, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    Even though I've made multiple, unfinished threads of this story, this one is the official version. I finally got around to working out everything that needs to be done. I look forward to finishing my story on this site. So, without further ado, here's Kingdom Hearts: Destinies.

    Prologue

    It was night. The full moon brightened the sky with its beauty. Below, sat a boy, eighteen-years-old, recalling his adventures of the past four years. He begins to write down his story in a notebook.

    My name, is Antonio. I'm one of the seven Destiny Guardians, the Guardian of Fire. I've been traveling with my brothers, cousins, and girlfriend for four years, fighting the darkness. However, something horrible happened to one of my brothers, and sometimes, I think it was my fault. My journey has been a tough one. I've traveled to different worlds, meeting new friends, and enemies. Well, I'll quit rambling the summary, and tell the whole story from the beginning. Now, where do I begin? Ah, yes. It all started on Destiny Islands. This, is where my destiny began.

    -----------------------------------------
    "I'm one of the seven Destiny Guardians, the Guardian of Fire."

    (Note: Is there a reason why the tab button won't make an indent for me?)
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2013
  2. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    Before Destiny: Day 1

    The wind blew softly on the island. The town's citizens lived with each peacefully. There were rarely any fights. Everyone talked with everyone, getting along without a problem. One boy, however, is one of the most liked on the island. He went to sit atop of the town's clock tower, watching the beautiful orange sunset, and listening to the waves softly splash around. He watches as his friends Sora, Riku, Kairi, Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie enjoy themselves on the other island across from his. Antonio's medium-long brown hair blew softly in the wind. He wore his favorite plain black t-shirt, along with his favorite gray sweater over it, unzipped like always. He also wore his typical blue jeans, as well as his only pair of red and black shoes. His brown eyes matched his hair and sweater beautifully. The calm was broken when he heard someone calling him from the ground outside the clock tower.

    "Antonio! Mrs. Rei needs you! Her cat ran away again!" the boy shouted. Antonio sighed as he called down to him.

    "I'll be right down!" he shouted. A minute passed as he ran down to the bottom of the clock tower. When he reached the bottom, he began to joke with the boy. "Again, huh? Mrs. Rei really needs to keep a leash on that cat." He and the boy laughed.

    "She's old, what do you expect? She can't keep track of things as easily as we can. Besides, she thinks leashes are cruel to animals," the boy replied.

    "That's Mrs. Rei for you. Well, we better stop wasting time. Let's hurry to her shop Adam." Adam was one of Antonio's three brothers. Adam, like Antonio, was well liked. He had black hair, and the hair was long enough on the right side to cover his right eye. His eyes were a dark green color. He wore a plain black t-shirt, like Antonio. He also wore a green sweater over his shirt, except it was zipped up. He wore blue jeans, as well as green and black shoes.

    "Right. You know how she is when we're late," Adam joked. Both he and Antonio hurried to Mrs. Rei's shop. When they arrived, she was already outside waiting for them, smiling at their arrival.

    "Hello boys. Thanks for your help," she said. She was your typical short, old woman. Her hair was white and tied in a bun. The wrinkles on her skin showed her age.

    "No problem Mrs. Rei," Antonio said. "Do you know which way she went?" He asked.

    "Yes, last time I saw her, she ran toward the school. Alex and Leo already went looking after Adam went to get you.

    "Alright. Come on Adam, let's hurry."

    "Right," Adam agreed. Antonio and Adam hurried over by the school area. When they got there, they noticed Alex and Leo were already there. Leo was Adam's twin. Everything about their appearance was the same, except he had blue eyes, a blue sweater, blue on his shoes instead of green. His hair also covered the left eye instead of the right.

    Alex was Antonio's twin. Unlike Adam and Leo, Alex's black hair covered both of his eyes. However, part of his eyes can be seen through his hair, revealing his black eyes. All of his clothes were black, but he still wore the same type of clothes as the others.

    "Took you guys long enough," Alex joked.

    "Hey, at least they got here, right?" Leo said.

    "Stop always playing the good guy!" Alex replied, laughing and showing that he was joking. Antonio and Adam laughed in the background.

    "Come on you guys. Let's find the cat," Antonio said.

    "Well, we've already searched the perimeter. The only possible spot left to check is the basement, seeing as how the only way she could've gotten in was through the ground window," Leo explained.

    "Well what about the rest of the town? Just because Mrs. Rei said that her cat went this way, doesn't mean she could be somewhere else," Adam added.

    "Right. The whole island needs to be checked," agreed Alex.

    "Here's the plan," Antonio began. "Adam, you check the west of the island. Leo, check the east, and Alex, check the south. I'll check the school basement. We already know she doesn't like water, so the beach is excluded." Adam, Alex, and Leo looked at each other for signs of agreement. They each agreed to the plan.

    "Let's get moving. The last one to meet back here in an hour is buying all of us Sea-Salt ice cream," Leo joked.

    "Alright then," Alex began. "Whoever finds the cat will get two of them then."

    "We'll hold you to that one," agreed Adam. They all went to their required directions. Although they went to find a simple cat, they would also begin to find more than what they bargained for.
    ***​
    Alex was heading south. It was a long ways away from the school, but it didn't matter to him because he was the fastest of the group. The mountains behind the clock tower was Alex's destination. It took him about three minutes to get there.

    "I don't understand why a cat would be over here, but I guess it doesn't hurt to try," Alex said to himself. He looked around the mountains in every direction for an hour. He was close to giving up. "There's nothing over here. Might as well head back." Alex was about to turn back until he heard a faint voice.

    A warrior of darkness. Unknown to you, the power you shall wield. Although it sounded like a voice, to Alex, it was in his head.

    "What the...who-who's there!?" Alex shouted. A few seconds passed before he got a response.

    As of now it is of no importance. What is important is that your destiny has been decided. Look ahead. The truth shall lie in the darkness.

    "Look ahead1? Alex looked ahead in front of him. All he saw was an area of rocks completely covered in shadows. "There's nothing there. All I see are...wait a minute. Those rocks shouldn't be that dark! Especially when it's daylight out!" Alex moved closer to the rocks. When he was in front of them, he felt an odd chill running through his body.

    "Why am I doing this?" He thought. "A weird voice starts talking to me, and I'm listening to it? Or is my body moving on its own?" Alex's hand began moving to touch the rocks. As soon as the tips of his fingers touched the rocks, the dark shadows on and around the rocks vanished, and the voice spoke again.;

    Your destiny has been set. After the voices finished talking, Alex felt dizzy.

    "What...what...just happened...?" Alex tried to walk but instead, he fainted.
    ***​
    Adam headed out toward the forest on the west of the island. It was a reasonable location for Adam because the wind always blew strong in this location, and Adam was the only one on the island who could resist the wind as if it was never there. It was closest to the school, so Adam was there within a minute

    "Guess this would be the best place a cat would run away and hide in. Plenty of trees to climb," he said to himself. "Truthfully, I don't want to do this, but I want those ice creams." Adam began looking for the cat. He spent forty-five minutes checking tree after tree. Many times, he thought he heard the cat running around in or around the trees. However, every time, it was either birds or squirrels playing around. Adam was ready to head back.

    "No luck. I've checked most of the forest, but I still haven't found her. Might as well start heading back so I don't have to buy the ice creams," he told himself. As soon as he turned to head back, he heard a voice speak.

    Guider of the Wind, your destiny is short to begin.

    "What in the world? Who's there? Show yourself!" Adam shouted. He heard no response. "Someone is trying to play games with me," he said to himself. The voice then spoke again.

    This is no game. Look to your right, and follow your set path." Adam hesitated, then turned to his right. What he saw was an open field. He took a closer look and noticed that the wind was circling around the entire area at extremely high speeds. Adam new something was abnormal.

    "What the heck? I don't remember that field ever being there. What's going on here?" Adam asked himself. "Well, there's no sense in leaving something like that unchecked." Adam began moving toward the field. The closer he was to the fields, the more he felt the wind pull him closer to it. As Adam moved through the spiraling wind, his signature hairstyle that covered his right eye; began to flow exposing Adam's dark green pupils.He moved into the dead center of the field, where no wind blew. His hair fell back into an untampered position "That's all? What a waste of time," said Adam, and then the voice spoke again.

    Your path has been set. Now, you must prove yourself. Adam's vision started to become blurry.

    "Wait...What's-what's...happening....to me..." Adam's vision vanished, and then he fainted.
    ***​
    Leo's destination was the area around the island's waterfall. Leo has learned to hold his breath under water for more than an hour, as if he could breathe under it, and was the only one known to do so. This left Antonio's decision for Leo easily agreeable with the others.

    "I'm getting really tired of this cat running away all the time. Mrs. Rei really should keep her on a leash," Leo said to himself. "Still, why would a cat even be over here around water? Didn't Antonio exclude the beach for that reason?" Leo sighed. "Oh well. Might as well start looking."

    Leo began his search for Mrs. Rei's cat. He looked all around and away from the waterfall for forty minutes, to no avail. Leo then spent another five minutes climbing and searching the waterfall. He thought he heard the cat splashing the water, but he saw were fish splashing around. He was ready to heard back.

    "This is a waste of time. Maybe the others had better luck. Too bad. I really wanted to get those two ice creams," Leo said. He spent two minutes climbing down the rocks around the waterfall. After he reached ground level, he took one last look at the waterfall, and then at the clock tower. "Oh man! I got less than ten minutes to hurry back! I'm not paying for a bet I started!" Leo shouted to himself. He was about to run back to the school, but he was stopped by a faint, unknown voice.

    Master of the Water. Destiny has chosen your fate."

    "Huh? Who's there?"

    That whom follows destiny. Move toward the waterfall, and look at your reflection. Your story will begin when reality and illusion collide." Leo was unsure about this mysterious voice. When he looked at the waterfall, he saw his reflection, standing still, not following his movements.

    "What the...? Why isn't my reflection...reflecting?" Leo asked himself. He began walking in the large pond the waterfall created. Leo slowly approached the waterfall, watching as his reflection did nothing. When he reached the waterfall, Leo and his reflection were face to face. Leo lifted his hand, planning to touch his reflection. When he did so, the reflection did the same. Leo then moved his hand closer to the water. As soon as Leo's hand and the hand of the reflection touched, Leo's vision vanished, and so did his reflection. Leo's body remained still, as the water from the waterfall poured onto his body.
    ***​
    Antonio was in front of the school's front door. It was always unlocked, so he didn't need to ask anyone to let him in. When he entered the school, he took a few quick looks around him before fully beginning his search.

    "This cat better be here. If not, hopefully by the others. Even though I said I'd check the basement, I might as well check the whole school first," Antonio said to himself. He began his search at the top floor of the school. It took him fifteen minutes to cover the whole floor, but he didn't find anything.

    "Figures. Better check the ground floor," he said. Antonio spent twenty minutes searching the ground floor. The only type of animals he found were mice. "This place needs cleaning." Antonio decided that it was time to check the basement. "Nothing so far. Why doesn't Mrs. Rei keep an eye on that cat more often? I'm tired of doing this. Then again, today seems pretty strange. I have this weird feeling that something unusual will happen. Or, maybe it already has. Something's just not right." As he walked down the stairs to the basement, he felt a strange chill run through his body. "I knew it." When he entered the basement, he saw Mrs. Rei's cat sitting at the corner in front of him, staring directly at his eyes.

    "Meow!" The cat went. Antonio smiled.

    "There you are," he said. As he moved closer to her, a voice spoke in his head.

    Guardian of Fire. You are ultimate piece of Destiny who's to test his worth.

    "Huh? Who's there?" Antonio asked. He looked around the basement but saw nobody there.

    I am the Master of Destiny. I have chosen your path of a Guardian of Destiny. Now, you must prove to me that you are worth of being the leader of the Destiny Guardians. When the voice stopped speaking, the entire basement burst into flames.

    "What the!?" Antonio shouted. He went to grab Mrs. Rei's cat, but fire burst in between them. "Dammit!"

    You must walk through the fire. Risk your life to save anothers. Only then will you prove your worth. Antonio thought for a moment, then decided.

    "Guess I have no choice!" Antonio ran through the fire as quickly as he could. He grabbed the cat instantly as he did so, and as he did, the fire surrounding them disappeared. Antonio was neither on fire, nor did he feel pain. "What just...happened?" He asked himself.

    You have passed your test. Now, you and the other Guardians must now awaken your powers. As the Master of Destiny spoke, Antonio began to feel dizzy, and his vision was becoming blurry.

    "A-awaken...Others...? What-what are you...? " Antonio began. He could not finish what he wanted to say. His vision turned to black and he began to lose consciousness. His body the fell back on the basement floor, with Mrs. Rei's cat in his arms. He heard the cat make one last meow, and then everything went completely silent.
    ---------------------------------------------
    "Guardian of Fire. You are the final piece of Destiny, who's to test his worth."
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2012
  3. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    Station of Awakening: Alex

    Alex was laying on nothing but complete darkness. He was completely asleep, and all of a sudden, he awoke in shock. As he woke up, he quickly jerked himself to stand up, and then looked at his surroundings. All he saw was complete darkness. As he stood up, he thought he was standing on a platform. It did not feel like he was standing on nothing.

    "Where am I? What is this place?" Alex asked aloud. He decided to walk forward, but when he took just a single step, the darkness around him vanished, only to reveal that he was standing on a crystal-like platform. The platform had dozens of different colored crystals that made it up. What stuck out the most was the fact that the platform showed the picture of a man holding a dark brown key-like sword.

    "who the heck is this?" Alex asked himself. The man on the platform was wearing a dark brown shirt, along with light brown pants. His hair, dark brown as well, was spiked up in the front, with smaller spikes behind it. The man's eyes were also closed, as if he were asleep. Shortly after Alex finished examining the man and the rest of the platform, the voice he heard from before began to speak.

    Warrior of Darkness, now is the time to awaken your power.

    "It's that voice again," Alex thought. "What does he want from me? And why am I here?" The platform began to shake, as if an earthquake was happening. Alex looked ahead and noticed three square-like stone pillars rising from the surface. When the pillars finally surfaced, three lights appeared above them. As Alex moved closer, the lights then took form. The voice spoke again.

    In front of you are three weapons that determine what you believe in.

    "I don't understand this! Tell me who you are! Why am I here!?" Shouted Alex to the voice.

    In time, you will know, but first, approach the weapons. Select one that you think is most important to you, and keep it. Then, select one that you think is least important to you, and give it up. Alex thought for a moment, and agreed to do what the voice asked.

    "I'll only do this if my questions are answered," said Alex. He then approached the pillars and looked at the choices he was given. On the left pillar, a wand-like weapon floated above it. The handle was green and tan, and the top of the wand had a blue mouse-like symbol. Alex then looked at the pillar to his right, and noticed a red and black shield floating above it. The same symbol that was on the wand was on the front of the shield, except it was red instead of blue. He then looked at the pillar in front of him. A medium-sized sword floated above it. The blade was white, the handle was blue, and the hilt was yellow. On the middle of the hilt, the same symbol on the wand and shield was placed there. It was small, colored black, and surrounded by a red, oval shaped background. Alex thought for a moment. He looked at each of the weapons, undecided of what to choose.

    "What do I choose? I don't know which weapon is most useful. Maybe I'll pick up all three. With all these crazy things that have been happening, I might just get a feeling of what I want," thought Alex. He walked over to the wand and grabbed it. As he held the wand in his hands, the voice that was speaking to him broke the silence.

    The power of the Mystic. Inner strength. A staff of wonder and ruin. Do you choose this power? The voice asked. Alex thought for a moment, and then said, "Hold on." He placed the wand back above the pillar. Afterwards, he moved over to the shield. As Alex grabbed it and held it, the voice spoke again.

    The Power of the Guardian. Kindness to aid friends. A shield to repel all. Do you choose this power? The voice repeated. Alex thought, and again said, "Hold on." He put the shield back and then went to the sword. As he picked it up and held it, the voice spoke once more.

    The Power of the Warrior. Invincible courage. A sword of terrible destruction. Do you choose this power? Alex thought again, and again said, "Hold on." Alex walked back to the spot where he woke up and stared at the weapons. He began to think about his choices.

    "Hmm...my choices are slim. Wand of the Mystic, a shield of a Guardian, and a sword of a Warrior. Let's see..." Alex thought. After a few seconds, he made a decision. Alex moved over to the shield and grabbed it.

    "The Power of a Guardian. Kindness to aid friends. A shield to repel all. Do you choose this power? the voice repeated. Without hesitation, Alex replied with, "Yes."

    (Couldn't finish typing. Will finish soon.)
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2012
  4. Angel

    Angel Lion Heart Staff Member Administrator

    I finally found the time to read this!

    The prologue that you have written; is not much of a prologue. Usually, prologues precede major events. It's more of an epilogue of Antonio's past 4 years. And to be blunt, it was rather boring. I was expecting something more out of the first paragraph of your work. I noticed the characters are already too well acquainted. Brothers and Cousins. I can already see not much of character relations developing as much. Okay! On to the main work!

    What happened to the retelling of the story? It shifted from first person to third person. [Side Note: These are just my lil tidbits. Didn't know such a small and quaint island had a clock tower! XD] I think that the constant describing of every fabric of the characters' clothing to be annoying. [Side Note: You would think if these kids had any common sense that they would have checked the basement before scouring the entire town.] There are a lot of grammatical errors here and there. The events that befall the four kids seem a bit cliche. [Side Note: I personally don't have a problem with it.] But Antonio's situation was the most contradicting. He spent 35 minutes in search for the cat but was the last to go through the Master of Destiny's ordeal. [Side Note: Leo spent 47 minutes looking for the cat. Logically, he would be last to go through the ordeal of the Master of Destiny.

    So far, it looks semi-promising. There's four years that you have to cover with at least three more main characters to introduce. I look forward to the rest!

    My rating: 5/10​
     
  5. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    alright thanks. I have to still finish writing chapter 3 I'll fix them up. And about the clothing description, how should I shorten it? instead of having the Master of Destiny saying "final piece" I changed it to "ultimate piece." That way the time frame isn't so confusing
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2012
  6. Angel

    Angel Lion Heart Staff Member Administrator

    I think that it's okay to describe a little bit of a character's features and appearance in order to give your audience a general idea of how they look then as the story progresses. You describe a little more and a little more to build up your characters. Opposed to, he has a red jump suit with red shoes to match. A plain t-shirt and placed on his head a hat. Stuff like that I find boring

    I think if you generally slip in their clothing as the story progresses is the best way to go. For example,

    As Adam moved through the spiraling wind, his signature hairstyle that covered his right eye; began to flow exposing Adam's dark green pupils.He moved into the dead center of the field, where no wind blew. His hair fell back into an untampered position "That's all? What a waste of time," said Adam, and then the voice spoke again.​

    So when someone thinks of Adam, they can recall the event(in this case the spiraling wind) and remember that Adam has hair that covers his right eye. It doesn't have to be that.
     
  7. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    well I actually like it. I wouldn't mind using that, if it's alright with you. So basically, you're saying that I should reveal the character's appearance over time, not at the same time right?
     
  8. Angel

    Angel Lion Heart Staff Member Administrator

    Sure go for it.

    Yup exactly what I'm saying. You can explain a little now and the rest over time.
     
  9. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    alright thanks. I'll take note of that for the future
     
  10. EtherealSummoner

    EtherealSummoner Lamentations 3:22-26

    ... Meh. Your profile is not even long. Went on ahead and skipped it without a care (No offense).

    Other than that, I am trying to picture how the characters look like Angel said. When you just go "Adam, Guardian of Fire" and all of that, I end up thinking of those old Final Fantasy games where you they are named "Warrior", "Thief' and so on and so forth and I end up picturing what name I would give to my allies and how they would look. As far as grammar goes, use paperrater and Ginger. They help with transitional phrases and the like. Hope to see the next chapter.
     

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