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A Battle Best Lost

Discussion in 'Traditional' started by Chocobo Dyl, Apr 15, 2009.

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  1. Chocobo Dyl

    Chocobo Dyl New Member

    They both stood side by side on the tower, they knew that moving from this would kill them, but Peter thought it would be worth dying for, if it were to save his friend.

    David on the other hand was anxious to wait, although his real intentions were to kill his best friend, were it only to save himself.

    Needless to say, Peter had the best chance of dying here, but he knew that, and would be sad if anything other were to happen.

    Barry, Devon and Lucy stood at the base of the tower, they didn't dare to move, as if they did, one of th friends would die.

    All throughthis battle, Barry, Devon and Lucy had been confused of what to do, they didn't understand why the two were fighting, but were even more aestruck when they saw the tower emerge from the ground and take Peter and David with it.

    "If I were to die here... what would you do next?" David whisperedthrough the cold air,"I would strand my slef here, kowing only that my life has been lost, or the people that made it worth living, anyway." the reply came.

    A few more seconds passed bye,"Is that why you fought me, to save me from being corrupted?" David asked, louder this time, "I needn't answer any more of your'e questions...."

    Devon shook his head,"Then David will die....."

    And sure enough, Davidkicked a rock close to him, fell off and died. Peter followed, and Barry, Devon and Lucy stood still, and collapsed dead....

    The End....

    Yes, out of shear boredness I wrote this, tell me what you thought.
     
  2. Zerieth

    Zerieth Head Game Reviewer

    I see one, two, many typo's. The dialogue needs a bit more work, like changing a few things so it makes better sense to the reader. You should also be a bit more descriptive. I give it a 6/10
     
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