Angry Birds

Hey all another great review from Zerieth.


To some people Angry birds is a flipping religion. They all grab their tacos and burgers then sit for 8 fun filled hours shooting little innocent birds out of sling shots at very sick pigs (it must be all those eggs they ate). To other Angry birds is a wonderful past time were they sit on their oh so hackable Androids and Iphones groaning as they get stuck on level after level and allow their lives to be consumed by the intensity. To the former I am about to commit sacrilege, and to the latter, well, let's just say they won't like me very much.

Angry birds is basically trebut'e gone wrong. The idea is to drop the rickety towers down on the piggies heads. They have eaten bird eggs, and must pay with their lives. Thus your ammunition is various kinds of birds and some with extremely bad gas (They explode).

This game is hailed as the turn of the century and so I went into this with high aspirations indeed. Worried was I that I would turn from my faith in god and become a worshiper of the cult that is Angry birds. I don't know why I was so worried. My review grades are my standard:

Graphics/Audio Quality
Playability

First off I thought the graphics were quite good. The pigs protected themselves with several layers of:
Glass; what ever kind of idiot thought that one up. I wanted a baseball to toss at them instead of windex crazed pidgeons.
Rocks; Much more pratical except I wanted dynamite instead as the birds barely made a dent in the first stages.
Wooden Beams; I'll huff and I'll puff... Ah screw it have a bird.

These three objects were done quite well. The pigs looked a little sickish, all green and such. Porky musta ate to many eggs and perhaps that is why they decided to hide behind their very clean windexed windows instead of mounting a counter assault on the pathetic sling shot not two feet away. Speaking of which I liked the sling shot but I felt a minor pang of twenty year old guilt and five year old glee whenever a bird loaded himself in.

The back ground coulda been done in paint for all I know but at least things moved steadily.

Also aside from the birds murmuring in the beginning and smashing in stuff no audio sounds are made. That could be a blessing and it could be a curse. Alas we shall never know.

Graphics/Audio Quality 3/5

Playability in this game was some what lacking. For the first four rounds your stuck with the average very pissed off red bird and you have to shoot very precisely to make your kills. One level involved rolling a wooden ball down a hill but the pigs were so heavy it stopped on the first one. You had to ricochet the other bird off a tower. Things didn't improve with me getting stuck on bloody level 4 for a hour until i said "Fuck this," and went to look up a guide which gave such a blindingly simple move that I couldn't have helped smacking myself on the head. Wait, there's a guide written about angry birds!? Must be the bloody priest.

Not only this but the pigs only died if you A, roll them on their sides (i guess they are so fat their guts explode if they aren't right side up) and B, hit them with a bird. Rarely does dropping the house on Mr. Porky result in said bacons untimely demise. Needless to say I was not very impressed and was in fact quite disappointed.

I did like the ability to scroll the screen so you can see what you are shooting at, and even the ability to shoot above the game screen. Reminds me of Tanks. Aside from this playability has few redeeming qualities.

Playability ranks a whopping 2/5 and i feel I am being generous.

Trebute was the first game like this that I thorougly enjoyed. Why it didn't reach fame and glory can only have 1 reason. You aren't dealing with birdies ready to commit mass suicide over a few bad omelets. Instead you watch, in very bad detail mind you, a large rock or bomb bust through Mr King's wall and squashing him and his wife who happened to be banging him at the time. Ouch. I am probably gonna regret this review when the mob shows up at my house tonight but for now I feel I have done the best I can even objectively.

Angry Birds Final score, I can almost hear the chanting!

Over All 2.75/5

Graphics and Audio Quality: 3/5
Playability 2/5

Final Say: I'll be buying shot gun shells and lots of windex. Lets see the mob get me then.

 

Then i will expect you at my front door tonight. My windex is invincible! Lolz

I hope you thought my review was funny if not correct.

 

I think I got to level 9 before I decided i couldn't stand it any more. I can't eat chicken because of those bloody birds. The rest was research into the unlockable foul. I played what may have been the original. And am I given to understand that you liked the review? Cause i could use the rep. =P

 

Repped you =P