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Kingdom Hearts: Destinies

Discussion in 'Traditional' started by ADogX, Jan 14, 2011.

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  1. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    this is a fan series i worked on myself.it invloves the main characters traveling to 4 different worlds to stop and evil creature named Dark Blood.it does NOT revlove around Disney worlds.the worlds they go to are(with anime name) InuYasha, Bleach, Naruto(maybe), and Tokyo Mew-Mew(funny right?)in short,there will be only 3 Keyblade wielders,one with giant shurikens, one with giant spiked chain-balls(dont know the name)one with a katana,and the other has a double sided hook swords(sort of like Jet from Avatar: The Last Airbender)i'll give the names here.

    Name:Antonio
    Weapon: Keyblades(2)
    Gender: Male
    Age: 12
    Element: Fire
    Theme: The Fire Still Burns by DragonForce

    Name: Alex
    Weapon: Keyblade
    Gender: Male
    Age: 12
    Element: Darkness
    Theme: Whispers in the Dark by Skillet

    Name: Adam
    Weapon: Spike Chain-Balls(2)
    Gender: Male
    Age: 12
    Element: Wind
    Theme: Disciples of Babylon by DragonForce

    Name: Leo
    Weapon: Giant Shurikens(2)
    Gender: Male
    Age: 12
    Element: Water
    Theme:Strike of the Ninja by DragonForce

    Name: Craze
    Weapon: Katana(1)
    Gender: Male
    Age: 14
    Element: Lightning
    Theme: Soldiers of the Wasteland by DragonForce

    Name: Spike
    Weapon: Double Sided Hook-Swords(2)
    Gender: Male
    Age: 14
    Element: Earth
    Theme: The Warrior Inside by DragonForce

    Name: Jessica
    Weapon: Keyblades(2)
    Gender: Female
    Age: 12
    Element: Ice
    Theme: chAngE by Miwa

    i can't start it now but i might be able to later today?what do you guys think about the characters so far?also i forgot to mention,there is a big part of Final Fantasy 7 in the story too
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2011
  2. Epic Kirby

    Epic Kirby New Member

    I think that chain ball thing is called a flail if I'm interpreting your description right, that weapon you see in medieval films like King Arthur that has a stick then attached to the stick is a chain with a ball on the end, if not sorry :D )

    Anyway back to the characters, they're really good, I like the sound of Craze the best. Lighting and a Katana are an epic mix. Alot of characters with names beginning with A, but hey look at organisation 13 when it comes to X :D .

    Final Fantasy 7? That should be interesting, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

    Does this group have a main person, the sort of leader?

    EDIT: I don't know why that came out twice??? But I can't delete the other one
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011
  3. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    yes they do have a leader.it's Antonio.he's the main character.Alex,Adam,and Leo are his brothers. Craze and Spike are his cousins,and Jessica is his girlfriend.but that won't happen till later on.so will the meeting of Craze and Spike *hint hint*

    also,not all the characters have an A in their name.Spike is the only one



    now let's start this thing shall we?




    Kingdom Hearts: Destinies​


    Intro: My name,is Antonio.no last name.i used to be an average 12 year-old boy.or so i thought.i once had a past that i had forgotten,and now i've gained the power of the Keyblade to fulfill my destiny.i agreed to the power of the Keyblade so i can protect myself and the ones i care for.but first,let's take a look back at where my Destiny began,up until now....

    Scene: Antonio,Adam,Alex and Leo were running away.away from thugs trying to kill them for a reason unknown.guns are blazing and tires are screeching.the brothers are running for their lives...

    Antonio: C'mon you guys! We can't just let them just kill us like that! We gotta go!
    Alex: I know that! Get off my back!
    Adam: Shut up you guys...You're both so damn annoying.
    Leo: Guys there's the forest!
    Alex: Finally...
    Thug: Don't let those bastards get away!
    Alex: You guys are in a damn car! How are we even ahead of you, ya damn pricks!?
    Adam: Don't antagonize them you idiot!
    Antonio: *sighs* The family i deal with...Guys there's a cliff! I'm gonna jump for it!

    Scene: Antonio jumps from the cliff and reaches the other side. He parkours to avoid injury. Adam and Alex follow and make it to the other side. Leo then takes his jump and misses the other side. He is now hanging from the ledge with one hand,about to fall.

    Leo: Dammit! Guys help I'm slipping!

    Scene: Leo's hand slips off the cliff and begins to fall. Antonio grabbed his hand just and time but begins to have trouble pulling him up. Just then, the thugs pull up to the other side of the cliff. One thug exits the passenger seat and pulls out a sniper rifle and aims at Leo. As Antonio tries to pull up Leo, Adam and Alex follow. As Leo is almost up, the thug shoots Leo in the leg. Leo is unable to move for now.

    Leo: D-Dammit. He got me.
    Antonio: Don't worry man i got you.
    Alex and Adam: Come on let's go!

    Scene: Antonio puts Leo on his back and carries him into the forest, escaping death.

    Thug: Damn i missed and they got away. Those bastards. HE will not be happy about this...

    Scene: The brothers, after 10 minutes of running, arrive in an open location in the forest. They then decide to rest for the night.

    Alex: So damn close. Let's hope they don't follow us.
    Adam: Who know? All i know is, they'll be crazy if they do.
    Antonio: *Laughs* Like us right?
    Adam: Yeah, ha ha, like us.
    Leo: Guys let's sleep here for the night. I'm hurt and tired.
    Alex: Good idea. Night guys.

    Scene: The brothers then find a spot to sleep in. After 5 minutes, they are all sound asleep, unaware of what is to await them the next day...









    so what do you guys think so far?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2011
  4. IntoxSpy

    IntoxSpy New Member

    This story gave me cancer.
     
    Avalantos likes this.
  5. Destiny

    Destiny Guest

    What do you mean by that. Please be informative in your criticism. Why did this give you cancer and what do you mean by that?


    Hey also ADogX123(some people may call you ADogX, but I'll probably end up calling you DX or something :p) please do not multi post. I merged all of your posts together, and I just seperated them with spaces. Please try to do this in the future.



    Also your story has quite a bit of gramatical mistakes; "i" is suppose to be capitalized. Also make sure you have a space after punctuation marks starting the new sentence. A lot of your periods I think you mean for them to be commas.


    I do like seeing new things. Your story is set up like a movie or TV show script which is rarely seen her. However even with TV movie scripts details are added even during the dialogue(usually added in parenthesis). What do I mean? Well look before.

    Scene: It's 2 o'clock, right before the school bell will ring and the many students wait impatiantely staring at the clock. All of them anticipating when the bell will ring. One student did not seem to stare or seem all to excited to go home for the weekend. She just casually read her book, Twilight by Stephanie Meyer.

    Molly: Sarah, will you put that book away! The Bell's going to ring soon!
    Sarah: (looks over to her best friend Molly, sitting on her left. Molly has long flowing brown hair and big hazel eyes which appeared green right now. Sarah glared at her, stuck the book mark in on the page, and slammed the book close) You're so impatient. Yes, it's the weekend everybody's looking forward to, but doesn't mean everybody has to be excited for it.
    Molly: (Shocked) But! It's the pep rally tomorrow, the Homecoming Pep Rally. Besides you're one of the possible Homecoming Queen!
    Sarah: (Sarah shrugs and puts her book in her bag. She tucks her hair behind her ear.) So.


    See within the dialogue I added details on character's appearence, what they were doing, and even their reaction on matters. Even in the scene description I added more details.



    By doing this your story will become much better. :)
     
  6. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    thanks Destiny. and i guess since i'm writing a story i should have everything right. i'll post the character descriptions on a separate post.

    Appearances for the characters:

    Antonio: Wears a black shirt with a skull on it. also wears blue jeans and a Gray Sweater. Brown Hair and eyes. Hair is long to about above the eyes. skin color is White

    Adam: Wears a plain white T-Shirt. Also wears blue jeans and a Green Sweater. Brown hair and blue eyes. hair covers his left eye

    Alex: Everything id the same as Antonio except there is no skull on his shirt,black pants,and a Black Sweater

    Leo: Same as Adam but the hair covers the right eye.his sweater is Blue

    i will post the descriptions of the other characters once they are introduced



    (Don't be lazy about hitting the edit button and such. Posting several different posts in a row is against site rules. Please get over the habit of just posting a new post for there's going to be some staff members not being as nice and considerate towards you as a new member doing this habit. If this eventually doesn't stop, know that I will have to enforce the whip. -Destiny)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2011
  7. Abyssal Knight

    Abyssal Knight I step back into the light of...

    Nice I like it so far I'll finish reading the rest later on.
     
  8. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    Scene: Antonio, Adam, Alex, and Leo all wake up at the same time from their slumber. And just like that, they all notice Leo's injury is gone.

    Alex: What the hell? How does a bullet wound heal so damn fast!?
    Leo: I don't know! But who cares! As long as it's gone I'm happy.
    Antonio: What a sudden conversation....
    Alex & Leo: SHUT UP!!!!
    Adam: You guys are so loud. Can't i just listen to the wind in peace?
    Leo: I'd rather listen to the ocean.
    Alex: You guys are wimps. Just hang out in the dark. It's more fun!
    Antonio: Are you goth or something? You always seem to talk about the night and you only wear black
    Alex: Hell no. Besides you're the one who always wants to sit by the fire. You even do that in the summer for crying out loud!!

    Scene: The brothers then begin to laugh at each other. But then, something begins to talk inside Antonio's head.

    Voice: Fulfill your destiny. Take your brothers and yourself to The Temple of Hidden Destinies. You will find me there.

    Scene: While the voice talked, Antonio's eyes became dark and solid. After the voice finished and disapeared, Adam, Alex, and Leo looked scared at Antonio as his eyes reverted to normal.

    Alex: Dude we thought you were dead! What happened!?
    Antonio: I...I don't know. But something is telling me to go that way...

    Scene: Antonio pointed his fingers to a path that appeared right in front of him and his brothers.

    Adam: The hell? That wasn't there a second ago!
    Leo: Who cares? As long as it takes us somewhere. I'm sure those thugs are gonna come looking for us soon.
    Alex: I guess you're right. Let's get going.

    Scene: The brothers then follow the path given to them. They walk straight for 10 minutes until they reach i large open area. A sign rises from the ground in front of them.

    Alex: What the hell? What's going on around here?
    Adam: Who knows?
    Leo: Who cares?
    Antonio: The sign's words are in Japanese. Only I can read it.

    Scene: Antonio then begins to read what the sign says to the brothers.

    Antonio: Those who reads this sign are about to have their destinies changed. Fulfill them and your lives will become purified. Wait for The Temple of Hidden Destinies, and wait fot the Destiney Guardian to arive.

    Scene: As Antonio finished reading, the sign fell back into the ground and the earth began shaking. Some very large was arising from the center of the open field.

    Adam: Wha-what the hell is that thing!?
    Leo: Who cares!? I think we should get out of here!
    Alex: For once you're right! Let's go!
    Antonio: Stay right here.
    Alex: What? Why?

    Scene: Just then, the large object fully arose. There was a Gray orb at the top. Under it, was a Black Orb, and a Pink Orb. Under those, were a Orange Orb and a Purple Orb. At the bottom were a Green Orb and a Blue Orb.

    Adam: Just what is that thing?
    Leo: Who cares? It's big and looks cool.
    Alex: Do you care for anything?
    Antonio: This is it. This is, The Temple of Hidden Destinies...
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2011
  9. Napoléon

    Napoléon Kuroko Fangirl

    It seems like a fun story, and it's set up quite differently than most that I read (As Destiny said, it feels like I am reading a movie script or something along those lines.) Also having a variety of characters does add some flare to a piece of writing.

    However, there are a few grammar mistakes present. Some include 'arive' which is actually spelt arrive and "I" must always be capitalized when it stands alone. For example: My friends and I are going to the mall tonight.

    As long as you make sure to re-read what you have written and check for any spelling errors then this will become a great story. I'm quite excited to see what shall happen next :)
     
  10. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    Heads up on later names for character's Nobodies

    i was thinking of some names for Nobodies for the main characters.these are what i have so far...

    Antonio: NitonXao(Nye-tawn-zhao)
    Adam: DaXma(Dazz-muh)
    Alex: Xelax(zel-ax)
    Leo: Xelo(Xel-oh)
    Spike: KeXsip(kex-sip)
    Craze: RazcaX(pronounced how it's spelled)
    Jessica: ÍsXelcasj(ease-zel-caz))

    if anyone has better ideas please let me know!
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2011
  11. Napoléon

    Napoléon Kuroko Fangirl

    I've been thinking about Jessica and Antonio for a while and I think I've got some good ones.

    Jessica---Jacessix (Jace-six) 'ace' pronounced like an ace in a pack of cards.

    Antonio has stumped me too >.<

    So far I've come up with:
    Naitonox (Nai-to-nox) 'nox' pronounced like Johnny Knoxville
    Xotainon (Zo-tai-non)

    I think NitonXnao is better than those two above though.

    However, I do find that some of the names that you came up with are quite nice like Zaxca :)
    Hope this somewhat helped.
     
  12. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    thanks! ur Jessica one seems better.as for ZaXca,i 4got the R and E that's in the originol name.i added an extra A as well.He'll be called ZeXrca.pronounced like ZaXca,but the R is silent and the E makes an A sound
     
  13. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    The Dream

    This is a side story revealing a dream Antonio had when he and his brothers went to sleep in the forest.i will now also begin writing in story form,since script form is unfomfortable to everyone.here we go

    No! Jessica I'm on my way!

    "I would stay away if I were you Antonio. Unless you want her to fall into the lava, I suggest you stay back. What would Jessica and the others think if you let her die?"

    "Why!? Why did you betray us and side with Dark Blood!? I thought we were gonna do this together!? How could you betray your own family!?

    "I have my reasons! I want you to stay away from mine and Dark Blood's mission. It's only a matter of time before the end comes!" He held his Keyblade near Jessica's throat, ready to cut it at any moment.

    "I'm not gonna stand here and let you torture Jessica like that!" Antonio ran towards him. He brought out his Keyblades and launched himself to stop him from thwowing her over the cliff, and into the lava.

    "Suit yourself Antonio. It's her funeral" He then threw Jessica over the cliff. She screamed in terror as she was hurdling to her doom.

    "Jessica no! Antonio ran faster and jumped off the cliff. He fall at a fast speed to catch up to Jessica. "Grab my Hand!" He reached out his hand as he and Jessica were falling. She reached out hers and barely graabbed each other's hands. Antonio then used his Keyblade in his other hand and dug it into the side of the cliff. they slowed down and then stopped falling. Antonio pulled Jessica up and onto his back. "Hold on and don't let go. I'll climb us out of here," Antonio forced his hand onto the rocks and started climbing. "Man I wish Spike was here. He could get us up in no time."

    "Thank you so much Antonio. But why did you risk your life to save mine?" Jessica asked.

    "Because I love you; you know that don't you? And because I believe others' lives are more important than my own" They climbed the cliff for five minutes until they cam back to the top. Alex was waiting.

    "It's about time. I knew you two wouldn't die so easily. It's about that time now. I'll see you guys again real soon. And remember, the enxt time we see each other, Antonio, you're gonna wish we never met. I'll tell Dark Blood you guys are still alive. He won't be pleased, but he can think of new ways to kill you. 'Till then, brother!" And just like that, with a whip of his hand, his darkness made him disappear.

    "Why? Why did you betray us Alex?" Antonio wondered.
     
  14. Abyssal Knight

    Abyssal Knight I step back into the light of...

    Dude this story gets awesome and awesomer everytime I read it. Make more now!! And im thinking of names for the main character nobodies..
     
  15. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    thanks! im glad i'm hearing some support! and about the Nobody names, DaXma(Adam) is a for sure official
     
  16. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    Memories of a Forgotten Past

    "The hell? This is the Temple of Hidden Destinies? Two problems with that. One, this happened way too sudden like a damn video game. And two, IT'S A FREAKING PYRAMID!" Alex shouted. He's always been the one to complain.

    "He's right. What should we do?" Adam asked.

    "Who cares? I think we should get out of here right now," Leo suggested.

    "Honestly, I think we're supposed to touch the orbs. You guys realize that they're the same color as our sweater right?" Antonio explained.

    "So? don't forget that there are three extra. There's four of us. Not seven," Alex explained back. But before he said anything else, Antonio, Adam, and Leo were already standing in front of the orbs that matched their color sweaters. "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?" He asked himself. Antonio then looked at the orange and purple orbs. His eyes became blank and memories began popping up in his head.

    "You traitor!" Antonio shouted as tears came from his eyes.

    "You think i care? I'm after power, strength! Mine and Sephiroth's goal won't be foiled! I'll kill you and then i'll kill Craze".


    The memories moved to a different location.

    "C-CRAZE! Don't die! We were supposed to do this together!" Antonio cried.

    "Sorry. I guess Spike was stronger than I thought. But it's all Sephiroth's fault and you know it," Craze explained slowly as he started to die.


    The memories moved once again.

    "Why Sephiroth!? It's because of you Spike and Craze are dead!" Antonio shouted.

    "To be with Mother, and to take revenge on you pitiful humans," Sephiroth explained.


    The memories stopped and Antonio came back to his senses.

    "What the-what the hell was that?" Antonio wondered...
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  17. Abyssal Knight

    Abyssal Knight I step back into the light of...

    Nice. You should try to explain exactly what there doing a lot more because I was kinda unclear. But great job on everything else.
     
  18. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    thanks.i told u it had an FF7 connection =D
     
  19. ADogX

    ADogX R.I.P. Captain Unohana

    Destinies Revealed. The Destiny Guardian Appears!

    "You OK Antonio? You're eyes went blank again," Leo worried.

    "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. I just saw something. Something like, a vision of the past," Antonio explained.

    "Who cares? Let's just see what happens when we touch these orbs," Leo said impatiantly.

    "Yeah you're right. Let's do this"

    "You guys are idiots. But whatever. All three of you are doing it so i might as well to," Alex said. So then the brothers went to the orbs that matched their colored sweaters. Antonio to Gray, Leo to Blue, Adam to Green, and Alex to Black.

    "Pick up the orbs on the count of three. And YES Alex. This IS happening too sudden. LIKE a video game. So just deal with it," Antonio explained.

    "Shut up."

    "On the count of three. 1...2...3!" At that very instant when the touched the orbs, they were being overdosed with energy from the orbs. Within 20 seconds, they let go and were shot back to the earth.

    "Ah dammit! What the hell just happened!?" Adam shouted in pain. Just then, a voice boomed from the wind.

    "You have just awakened your true Destinies," boomed the voice.

    "Who said that!?" Alex shouted in anger.

    "The one who chose your Destinies and fates. I, am the Destiny Guardian."
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2011
  20. Napoléon

    Napoléon Kuroko Fangirl

    The story is starting to come along, and your spelling is pretty ace (;

    I definitely prefer your writing style in the more recent ones (I just couldn't get used to the movie script formation) and the fact that you are adding more details makes the reading more attractive.
    Keep it up.
     
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